How I went beyond “all talk, no game” and learned to be brave enough to be disliked
What happens when we think of doing something new? This isn’t something everyone else is doing that you can do too. I am talking about something people don’t usually go for in your community.
It might be that you want to be a skydiver and work for RedBull, or a writer at Medium, where all your life you worked hard to be a software guy. What happens when you choose that path?
In this 5-to-6 minute article I’ll explain how our society works, why we care about what others think of us, and how we can fix ourselves to be courageous even when we are disliked.
What Will They Think?
A flood of thoughts fills our minds. How would people react? What if everyone makes fun of me? Make fun of what I do?
I had the same thoughts when I first started writing on Medium. It made me feel, what if nobody cared about what I had to present?
Who am I to talk about these topics? What gives me the right?
What if someone else had already said it before me? Could I say it better?
Indeed there are people much brighter than me who want to talk about what I want. Well then, what’s the difference? They are not me. Period.
No two works of art could ever be the same. Someone famous said there is no new art; there are only new artists.
Living in a Fear Based Society?
Chances are that you don’t live alone. You live in a community, in a society, and we’ve been taught to live by the rules of society.
Throughout the day, we are being judged — in the classroom, at the place of worship, at work, everywhere.
Our society has specific rules which we must follow, and those who do not follow them will be judged. For society to function properly, everyone must adhere to it.
Embrace your true self rather than become someone you are not for fear of being expelled from a group.
Fear in Modern Societies
Is it entirely our fault if we try to be more like others around us? We evolved this way. Didn’t we?
Fear of being judged. Fear of being disliked. Fear of starting a business. Fear of standing in front of an audience. Fear of doing anything other than the ordinary. Fear of achieving our true potential.
Just a few centuries ago, being alone may have meant death due to the weather, lack of food or shelter, or even the wildlife. So as humans, we evolved to be more social beings. Hundreds of years ago, being social was essential for our survival.
To hunt alone might have been impossible.
Times have changed now. We don’t have these problems to the same extent as we used to. So even to some extent, we don’t need to be a part of a group for survival.
Sure, we have different problems now.
Will You Be “Selfish” or Will You Be Scared?
In contrast to someone who must adhere to society’s values, someone with an individual mindset would be considered more selfish.
Nevertheless, there will be times when we must question our beliefs. When that happens, we shouldn’t hold back our dreams based on what we might be told by those around us and those we grew up with.
Throughout history, there have been great artists and leaders who were despised at their time but have changed the world for the better. Their judgment was harsh, and they were disliked by many.
This will be the case for a lot of us as well.
Taking my first published article to the public took me about a few months when I started Stoicoftheday.com. There was a fear in me.
The truth is, some people may like what I write, while others may not. Everyone will have their share of haters.
Can’t help it. Just have to move on.
Why Does It Always Come Down to Social Media?
Now, everything we think, show, and present has to be validated by others with likes and emojis; otherwise, it’s not worth pursuing. Am I right?
Today with social media apps, we can immediately see how many people support us. The number gets addicting, and we are only encouraged when it grows.
Personally, I have found that when something doesn’t get the attention it deserves, I immediately fall back onto what worked before and avoid trying something new.
Over time, I felt that I lost touch with my true self as I exhibited only a certain mindset.
It is not uncommon for me to say and speak friendly, appropriate, and algorithmically correct things, even when I would like to do otherwise.
The technology on our phones makes it possible for everyone and anyone to have an opinion about us.
Today, we are forced to consider some people’s views whose advice we might not even seek in real life. In many cases, we have no choice but to acknowledge and respond to a stranger on the net and allow them into our minds.
Accepting people into our lives and our heads is a choice we make. We can also use that same technology to meet with another group if we wish. The choice is always ours.
But Who Cares?
Stop worrying about what other people might think and start living your life authentically. Being concerned about what others think is great, but it is hurtful if you become someone you are not, just to fit in.
Change Who You Hang Out With!
The world is full of different kinds of people with all sorts of hobbies, jobs, skills, and ambitions. If you don’t feel comfortable with your current group and the people around you, change groups to find one where you feel more at home.
Better, why not build your meetup community where everybody does what you want to do and talks about what you want to talk about? Of course, we are all different, but at least someone out there is like us. Find that soul.
Understand Their Mindset
Understand that sometimes, when others oppose you, it shows their limits, not yours.
If I had met Elon Musk some 2 decades back, I would have told him that starting your own private spacecraft company is stupid and impossible. He did it anyway.
It was my limitation, not his. It’s good for him that we’ve never met.
Often, people say things to put themselves in a good light. However, they might not believe in it themselves but are just saying it to seek your validation.
We are all rooting for the team we play for. We are all rooting for the people who are like us.
A happily married man would desire others to be in happy relationships. Singles wish their friends currently in relationships were single. Someone divorced may shed light on the benefits of being alone.
Each of us wishes others to understand us and be more like us.
Don’t Hold Back
Take a moment to reflect, then make your own decisions. Don’t let the fear of being disliked and judged hold you back.
If you want to drop out of school for the right reasons, don’t worry about what people would think? If you want to be with someone from another religion for the right reasons, don’t worry about what some people would think?
It is not freedom if you do not dare do what you want. It is not freedom if you refuse to stand firm for what you believe in even when the majority is against it.
Have the courage to be disliked and be your real authentic self.
Allow others to be who they want to be and be the person you’ve always wanted to be. There is no other way forward.
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