And here’s what you need to do to fix it.
Reason: Your Anticipation
Imagine this. It’s a Sunday morning. You’ve had a long week. There was so much work to do, but now it is over. You finally have some time to rest before you start all over again.
You receive a call from an acquaintance inviting you to meet up. In the beginning, you were excited, but suddenly it feels like a lot of work. It’s getting to the point where you’re making excuses for not going out and meeting people.
Perhaps you do that to more than just acquaintances; maybe it’s your family members, friends, or even dates.
It’s like you’re dissuading yourself from experiencing something. Sounds familiar?
What’s going on? What’s the problem?
Your anticipation. You are trying to anticipate how things will turn out before they actually occur.
It’s funny how we think we know what will happen and how that meetup will go before it even happens.
It’s not like we don’t want to have a good time. It’s just that we are looking for ways in which such meetups have been ruined in the past.
We remain eagerly anticipating how things will unfold and patiently waiting for them to do or say something that isn’t in line with our values.
We’re looking for inappropriate behavior that we expect from the other person and when it finally happens we say, “I knew it” before we call it quits.
Every time we meet someone or attend a party, we have already anticipated what we’ll encounter. We know what our friends will discuss when we hang out with them. As well, we know what we’re going to talk about. As if it were a routine.
Having already anticipated every word and action, we lose the spontaneity to do anything new.
The reality is that most of us act accordingly to what we anticipate, and then blame it on the fact that there is nothing new happening.
Whether we call it anticipating or fulfilling a self-fulfilling prophecy, we are ruining our experiences.
Can you see the future?
It is impossible to see our future. Could we? So what is the point of acting as if we could?
There is no telling what is going to happen next. We live in a mysterious world.
Anyway, what fun is there if we remove the unexpected? What happens if we take away the unknown?
Would our lives be more fun?
Personal Experience
I made this mistake too. In many cases, I anticipated how the party or meetup would go.
I wondered what it would be like if I removed that anticipation? Imagine if I removed my knowledge of how things would turn out. In what ways will the whole experience change?
Then, suddenly, everything changed. My life was changed by this change of mindset. My attitude toward venturing out has evolved from anticipating what will happen → to embracing the unexpected and enjoying it.
It’s always more fun when things go unexpectedly.
“Do not seek for things to happen the way you want them to; rather, wish that what happens happen the way it happens: then you will be happy.”
Epictetus
What makes our lives fun?
It’s the random encounters, connecting with people, and spending time in nature that make life enjoyable.
If you’re missing someone — Call.
If you want to meet — Invite.
Note: It’s not right to put the burden of your fun on others. Don’t be afraid to invite, you never know when someone else might be looking for some fun through you.
Make sure you have fun on your own and don’t depend on others to do so. If you don’t even know what you enjoy, how could anyone else meet your expectations?
Summary
- Live in the moment and don’t over-anticipate things. Your mind only creates limits when you anticipate.
- A person’s anticipation is based on their past experiences, not on their present, not on how the future will turn out, and definitely not on logic.
- Enjoy new experiences as much as you can. Being too strict on yourself can cause life to slip away.
- There are some things in life that do not need to be planned. Sometimes the best things happen by accident.
- When you let go of excessive control, you will see the unknown.
- Don’t let boredom rule your life. Life isn’t boring.
“Tomorrow is tomorrow. Future cares have future cures, And we must mind today.”
Sophocles
Key Takeaway
Next time you go out or meet someone, don’t foretell what’s going to happen. Be careful not to let your anticipation lead to disappointment.
Say “whatever, let’s see how this goes” when you are presented with a new opportunity or experience. Get excited whenever there’s a plan to do something, and show excitement whenever there is.
Like a dog, leave your house with enthusiasm, with wonder, as if it is your first time going out.
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