Have you ever noticed that some people remain perpetually unhappy regardless of their circumstances, while others maintain a baseline of contentment despite facing genuine hardships?
This isn’t random.
After years of observation and studying human behavior, I’ve noticed a fundamental difference between these two types of people, and it has nothing to do with luck or privilege.
It has everything to do with orientation.
The unhappy people are almost universally focused on what they can get from the world, while the happy ones are focused on what they can give to it. That’s it. That’s the difference.
The takers versus the givers.
And the irony is that the takers—those constantly fixated on what they’re owed, what they deserve, what they should have—they’re the ones who end up with the least satisfaction.
We live in the most abundant time in human history. Most of us in developed and developing countries today enjoy unprecedented levels of material comfort and security.
We don’t have to hunt for our next meal, we have shelter, we have access to medical care, and we possess technologies that would have seemed like magic to our ancestors just a few generations ago.
And yet, rates of depression, anxiety, and general life dissatisfaction continue to rise. What’s particularly striking is that this psychological decline has occurred during an era obsessed with personal happiness and self-fulfillment.
We’ve never talked more about happiness, and we’ve never seemed less able to achieve it.
So what’s happening here?
Well, our brains are essentially problem-solving machines. They evolved to identify threats and overcome challenges.
In prehistoric times, this was a feature, not a bug. If you spent too much time being content, you might miss the approaching predator or fail to prepare for the coming winter.
But in our modern context, this same tendency leads us to manufacture problems, to fill the void left by the absence of immediate survival concerns.
I call this “The Problem Factory,” and we all have one running inside of us.
It’s this mechanism that constantly seeks out new issues to solve, new things to be upset about, new reasons to feel inadequate or wronged.
Let me show you how the Problem Factory works with a quick story. After landing my first real job, I upgraded to a new iPhone – nothing fancy, just the base model. For a few weeks, I genuinely enjoyed it. Information at my fingertips! Amazing camera! But soon, it just felt… ordinary.
That’s when my Problem Factory started production. Suddenly I noticed “problems” everywhere – battery life too short, occasional lag, mediocre low-light photos. These minor issues became major annoyances, so I upgraded to the Pro model at nearly twice the price.
The cycle repeated. The Pro model’s problems? It overheated sometimes. Facial recognition occasionally failed. And worst of all – a newer model was announced with features mine didn’t have.
Soon I was researching folding phones, creating elaborate justifications for why I “needed” to upgrade again.
My wake-up call came when someone simply asked, “What exactly can’t your current phone do that you need?” I couldn’t answer.
Every “problem” was trivial. I canceled my pre-order and kept my perfectly functional phone for two more years.
The Problem Factory doesn’t just manufacture issues with our possessions – it works on pretty much everything.
My brain was simply uncomfortable with contentment and was manufacturing problems to solve.
This mindset creates an insatiable hunger – like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
No amount is ever enough because the very orientation of taking creates a subjective experience of lack.
Think about it: How often do you solve one problem only to immediately seek out another?
You get the promotion you wanted, and instead of enjoying it, you start worrying about living up to expectations.
You finally get into a relationship, and instead of appreciating your partner, you start noticing minor incompatibilities.
You buy or rent a house, and instead of enjoying it, you create an endless list of improvements and renovations.
We pity ourselves for having these “issues.”
We feel shame that our lives aren’t as perfect as they “should” be.
And we feel anger toward whatever or whoever we can blame for these supposed problems.
This is also unfair to ourselves. It puts an asterisk next to our actual achievements and blessings.
We’re trapped in a mental loop where our Problem Factory is constantly running at full capacity, churning out new issues faster than we can address the old ones.
So, what’s the solution? Psychologist Adam Grant’s research on givers and takers offers us a solution.
He found that people who focus on contributing to others without expecting anything in return – the givers – consistently report greater well-being and life satisfaction. Why?
Because giving temporarily shuts down the Problem Factory.
Think about your grandmother who always had food ready when you visited.
While you were thinking about life’s imperfections, she was finding joy in creating something for someone else.
Her focus wasn’t on what was wrong with her situation, but on what she could offer you.
The Problem Factory is fundamentally self-focused, constantly asking: “What’s wrong with my situation? What’s not perfect in my life?”
Giving disrupts this pattern by turning our attention outward. Your Problem Factory simply can’t operate at full capacity when you’re focused on helping others.
So are people miserable because they choose to be? In many cases, yes—but not consciously.
Nobody wakes up and thinks, “I’d like to be unhappy today.” The choice happens at a deeper level.
It’s in the choice to maintain a taker’s orientation rather than a giver’s.
It’s in the choice to keep your Problem Factory running at full capacity instead of occasionally shutting it down.
So how do we shut down our Problem Factory?
The solution is remarkably simple, though not easy:
1. Recognize when your Problem Factory is operating.
Notice the thoughts that create problems where none truly exist.
Ask yourself: “Is this a genuine threat to my well-being, or is my Problem Factory making busy work?”
2. Deliberately shift your orientation from getting to giving.
Ask yourself, “What can I contribute here?” instead of “What can I get here?”
Are you maintaining a taker’s orientation, or could you adopt a giver’s perspective? This simple reframe is transformational.
3. Create meaningful challenges that actually matter.
Your Problem Factory needs something to do—so redirect it toward purpose.
Could your energy be better spent helping someone else rather than fixating on trivial concerns?
The happy people I know are not just happy because they have more—they’re happy because they’ve learned to shut down their Problem Factory.
They’ve oriented themselves toward giving rather than taking, contribution rather than consumption.
The most profound happiness often comes not from solving all our problems, but from stepping outside the problem-manufacturing mindset altogether – even if just for a moment.
